Explore how Autistic people may experience grief differently and discover affirming resources, support, and strategies for navigating loss.


While every individual experiences loss differently and it is always painful, many Autistic people describe grief as arriving on a different timescale, taking alternative forms, and often being misinterpreted and misunderstood by those around them. Things like alexithymia and our interoceptive differences will all likely impact how some people process grief differently.

How Autistic People May Experience Grief Differently

John Pendal, in his reflections on Autism and Grief (2025), explains that Autistic people may not process a loss immediately. It may take weeks, months, or even years before some emotions surface. This can mean that some people may appear calm, composed, or even “stoic”, sometimes being praised for supporting others while our own grief is still waiting to be felt. When our grief finally emerges, others may have already moved on a bit and have learnt ways of adjusting, leaving us without support at the time we most need it.

Social Expectations and Autistic Authenticity

For some Autistic people, grief shows up less as outward sadness and more as exhaustion, burnout, or physical symptoms or sensory dysregulation. As Pendal notes, we may even be questionned for not showing the “right” kind of distress that is expected. This reflects a broader challenge that grief for Autistic people may not always align with expected neuronormative social scripts and ways of processing. The Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism article Autistic grief is not like neurotypical grief, by Fisher (2012) highlights that grief may manifest as sensory overload, shutdowns, meltdowns, or a strong need for solitude. These differences are often pathologized, but they are simply part of the diversity of human grief responses.

The ND Connection Autistic & navigating grief article by Kyra Thompson (2024), also emphasises how grief can seemingly intensify some Autistic traits, affecting executive function, increasing anxiety, or leading to greater dependence on routines for safety. It may be that this is a way some of us channel our monotropic processing in a survival mode, leaving little space for anything else, much like in burnout. Change and unexpected events are already often a challenge for many Autistic people, when combined with bereavement rituals and expectations, visitors, well meaning texts, phone calls, and disrupted schedules, the energy costs can be overwhelming and hard to navigate.

Support and Resources for Autistic Grief

Resources are emerging to better support these experiences and support Autistic people. The Autism and Grief Project offers an online toolkit with personal stories, resources and guidance for Autistic adults and those who care for them. Importantly, it validates Autistic ways of grieving, affirming that “your way is just as valid”, there is no right way to grieve.

Practical supports can help and the Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism article Autistic Grief Is Not Like Neurotypical Grief by Karla Fisher (2012), suggests strategies such as allowing time alone, tending to physical needs (rest, nutrition, movement), engaging with special interests, more time stimming and setting realistic expectations for how long grief may last which maybe a very long time.

Pendal shares a client’s simple response to the often asked, “How are you feeling?” questions with a suggested reply of “I’m still processing.” This answer both communicates truth and sets a boundary, offering a model for Autistic self-advocacy.

Ultimately, grief is not a one-size-fits-all experience and it doesn’t have a timeline. For Autistic people, it may be quieter, slower and more embodied, or it may go in the completely opposite direction. What matters most is recognising these differences, resisting judgment, and ensuring support remains available, however long it takes and whenever it may be needed through the spirally journey ahead.

Research & Resources

Pendal, J. (2025). Autism and grief. John Pendal Coaching. Retrieved from https://www.johnpendal.com/blog.html

Fisher, K. (2012). Autistic grief is not like neurotypical grief. Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism. Retrieved September 9, 2025, from https://thinkingautismguide.com/2012/08/autistic-grief-is-not-like-neurotypical.html

**(I am aware our use of language and framing of Autism has moved on considerably since this was written in 2012, but I think it is a valuable article and hope you do too)

Leicestershire NHS Partnership, Bereavement for Autistic people
https://www.leicspart.nhs.uk/autism-space/emotional-wellbeing/bereavement-for-autistic-people/

Mair, A.P.A., Nimbley, E., McConachie, D. et al. (2024). Understanding the Neurodiversity of Grief: A Systematic Literature Review of Experiences of Grief and Loss in the Context of Neurodevelopmental Disorders. Rev J Autism Dev Disord. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40489-024-00447-0

Silvertant E., (2025). Autistic experiences of grief & loss Embrace Autism. https://embrace-autism.com/autistic-experiences-of-grief-and-loss/

Srinivasan, H. (2024, February 12). Beyond the five stages of grief: Understanding autism and loss. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/giving-voice/202402/the-spectrum-of-loss-grief-through-the-autistic-lens

Thompson, K. (2024, April 22). Autistic & navigating grief. ND Connection. Retrieved September 9, 2025, from https://ndconnection.co.uk/blog/autistic-navigating-grief

Wonderful resources and further signposting available here:

Autism and Grief Project


If you need professional support please check out:

Thriving Autistic’s Directory of Neuro-Affirming Neurodivergent Practitioners