Penguin Pebbling – An Autistic Love Language

What is Penguin Pebbling?

I think it was Amythest Schaber that first came up with the concept as part of the 5 neurodivergent love languages.

Penguins pass pebbles to other penguins to show they care. Penguin Pebbling is a little exchange between two people to show that they care and want to build a meaningful connection.

For autistic people, giving little gifts spontaneously can be a meaningful way of communicating that you are thinking about someone and that you care. We are not talking about spending money; rather, it is about building connections through the friendship you have developed between you both.

This could look like finding a pretty pebble, twig, or flower, perhaps taking a photo on a walk you enjoyed together and sharing it with someone to say, ‘This reminded me of you today, I hope you like it.’ Navigating the complex world of communication and socialisation may feel too much at times and Penguin Pebbling is a small act to show you care, just because it is a nice thing to do!

Friendship in the online community

The online community is growing and support networks such as The PDA Space, GROVE, Stimpunks and Thriving Autistic who I work with offer people the opportunity to build connections and share experiences. Genuine long-lasting, meaningful friendships often develop that may provide a deeper relationship than some of the relationships you have in your off-line life. Sometimes those connections cross over and become a part of both of your worlds and develop more connections across various support networks and friendship groups.

One way of showing you care and Penguin Pebbling online can be tagging people as you come across something you think someone will find valuable. If you are scrolling on social media and see something specific to them and their situation and personal interests, it is nice to tag them or share the post.

This could develop into a deeper social experience and end up evolving into a conversation or even a group discussion, something that perhaps outside of the online community some autistic people would find hard to engage with. Another way of Penguin Pebbling online is through sharing gifs, memes, and social media posts across groups and networks you are in and sharing via your family and friends WhatsApp groups.

A Penguin Pebble for Your Friends, Family and Colleagues!

I have lots of free downloadable e-books. Feel free to share and pass them on to friends, family, and colleagues.

With thanks to Stimpunks for their amazing article ‘The Five Neurodivergent Love Languages’ for highlighting the wonderful concept of Penguin Pebbling.

This is an edited version of an article I originally wrote for https://www.thepdaspace.com/