I didn’t see you there by Charlotte Gale is a powerful journey of poetic memoirs of one family’s path through mental health crisis, diagnosis and embracing neurodivergence. I have been privileged to proof read a copy of this book prior to publication and share my thoughts.
“I know I’m not alone thinking or feeling this way.
I’ve read other voicing their thoughts….”
Pg 77
I have read a lot of books about OCD, and I have read even more about different types of other neurodivergence such as Autism and ADHD. This is the first book I have read that captures the whole picture, the pain of OCD intersecting with everything else through a neurodiversity affirming lens.
It is the journey so many may be experiencing now as a parent/carer living through a perpetual crisis; when you feel you are losing your child and they are stuck in OCD hell, unable to attend school, unable to be with friends or use any of their usual coping mechanisms and where you may also feel like you are losing your own life, work and relationships. The fight for support and the impact that may have on parents and the rest of the family is immense, feeling exhausted and helpless. This book captures the lived experience of this like no other I have come across; it can be a difficult read to resonate with these poems so deeply, but at the same time, it is validating and helps you feel less alone.
“This is not what I imagined
When I held you in my arms;
So small and full of promise
Now I guard you from self-harm”
Pg 20
There were so many poems and short anecdotes that resonated about what everyday family life is like when you are living in survival mode, and your child is in crisis, when it feels like the cruelty of OCD has taken over, it has been hard to pick out single moments. The whole book reflects a journey that, unfortunately, I am sure many will be able to relate to. I was filled with tears but also moments of joy and hope.
The egg shell walk
From dawn til dusk.
Don’t step on the cracks!
Pg. 80
Sometimes in the darkest moments
Only
Mum
Will do.Pg 118
Gales captures the whole journey from trying to get mental health and education accommodations and desperately seeking professional help and advice, to eventually finding the greatest support from within the community of other parents and carers who also share their stories that really ‘get it’.
When your child is too ill to go to school, and OCD grips your entire family life, it can feel like everything is falling apart. Community helps, and reading real-lived experiences such as those reflected in these poems and short anecdotes will help so many people feel less alone.
Listen to the Professionals
We are taught
Accept their judgements,
Their opinions
Blindly
Because surely
They
Know
Best.
Gaslighting becomes the norm
Parent blaming epidemic
Pg 152
When school stopped
So too did the breeze,
The fresh air
The light.
pg 314
Gale provides a window of hope, a glimmer for change, while recognising that ‘the road to recovery is not a straight line’:’ there are steps forward, the back, curtains open, then closed’ (pg 315).
This book offers deep insight into the lived experience of one mother giving up everything, including herself, to care for her daughter in crisis. For many parents, this is often a journey of loneliness, shrouded in stigma, pain and exhaustion.
Through her poetry and prose, Gale is able to describe the tricky journey of trying to navigate systems and family life to care for and get support for her child through ‘storms of mental illness, showers of trauma’ and through the ‘wreckage of debris of hopes and plans’.
A system that broke me.
And left me, fighting, flailing and
Alone.
Until one day, after a particularly tumultuous morning, I
discovered quite by chance, there there were in fact otherfamilies like ours.
Many.
Pg. 340
This is a book like no other, feelings captured through poetry in between the pages. It is a book that I so deeply wish hadn’t needed to be written but that I am also so grateful for. I am sure many families will benefit from it, and professionals who may not have this lived experience can learn from it.
“Magic in a place where you feel you belong”. There is no magic cure for OCD, and there is nothing wrong with being Autistic or otherwise neurodivergent, but it can be a very difficult journey to navigate.
Life is a little bit easier if parents/carers have support, feel understood, and know that other people ‘get it’. This book provides that support and offers validation and hope for those who may be travelling a similar journey.
Things can get better, and you are not alone.
Magic is in a place
Where you feel you belong
Pg 420
Find out more: I didn’t see you there, by Charlotte Gale
Available on Amazon
