Summer Rhythms for Autistic Parents & Carers: Low‑Demand Parenting, Managing Energy & Sensory Needs

A practical guide for Autistic parents and carers to support energy flow, sensory regulation, and family balance through the summer holidays based on the workshop I facilitated July 2025 for Thriving Autistic’s Monthly Meet-Ups.

For many Autistic parents and carers, the summer holidays means a sudden shift in pace and rhythm. Familiar school and education routines disappear, support services may pause, and we are left holding multiple needs, our own, and those of our children and young people.

We’re not just managing activity schedules. We’re navigating everyone’s fluctuating energy often with increased sensory input, and a constantly shifting social and emotional landscape. Without some thought, this time of year can easily become a tipping point for more meltdowns, shutdowns and potentially contribute towards Autistic burnout before the new term has even begun.

There are some ways to approach the summer gently, spaciously, and supportively by using strategies such as low-demand parenting, finding out about monotropic flow, sensory resourcing, and energy accounting.

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Low-Demand Parenting

Low-demand parenting is often misunderstood. It’s not about letting everything slide or giving children and young people whatever they want. It’s about choosing your demands carefully, reducing unnecessary pressure, and prioritising emotional safety and connection.

For Autistic adults, who often experience demand avoidance ourselves (or whose children may be PDAers), this can be a transformative approach.

That might look like:

• Letting go of strict meal times in favour of flexible snack-based eating or enabling meals to be eaten where people feel comfortable and safe (not always at a dining table)
• Allowing clothing autonomy (even if that means pyjamas all day)
• Saying yes to screen time when it’s genuinely regulating
• Using more visual choices instead of always relying on verbal instructions
• Collaborative planning as a family and timetabling in rest days either sids of bigger events

We need to ask: What feels manageable for all of us right now? If a situation is causing distress, is it essential? Could it be approached differently, or done later, or even not at all?

Low-demand parenting is particularly valuable when parenting demand-avoidant children and young people. Removing perceived pressure can create safety that allows engagement. It is not about giving in and letting children have all the control, it is about managing choices, reducing overwhelm and building trust.

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Build a Family Sensory Survival Kit

Sensory overload may be more frequent in the summer holdiays for lots of reasons. A change in normal routine, going out and about more, different food and clothes, more heat, may be more people outside in parks and other places. Building a sensory toolkit can help every member of the family regulate more easily. These kits act as grounding anchors, creating familiar sensory input when everything else feels chaotic. Discuss as a family what each person would benefit from depending on what the plan is and where you are all going, you may need one core kit and then can swap and change a few items depending on the needs of the day.

Some helpful items to include:

• Ear defenders or noise-cancelling headphones for public spaces
• Stimming tools like chewies, putty, or textured fabric, fidget toys
• Cooling aids such as sprays, portable fans, or cool packs
• Grounding objects—smooth stones, scented oils, or favourite soft toys (or mobile phones/i-pads!)
• Weighted items /Light weight lycra blankets like lap pads and blankets

Involve your children and young people in creating their own sensory kits. What do they love to touch, smell, or hold? What helps them feel safe in noisy or unfamiliar places?

And don’t forget yourself, Autistic adults often feel they must “hold it together,” but your regulation matters too. Keep your own sensory tools nearby in the kit and model using them with your young people.

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Think in Spoons, Not in Schedules

Autistic energy isn’t linear or reliable, it fluctuates, often dramatically. Spoon theory, created by Christine Miserandino (2003), offers a powerful metaphor for how our energy works. Each task such as getting dressed, having a conversation, choosing what to eat, having a shower uses up spoons and when they’re gone, they’re gone.

Let’s say you as the parent/ carer start the day with 10 spoons:

• Getting everyone up and preparing breakfast might take 3 spoons
• A noisy supermarket trip takes 4 more
• That only leaves 3 for the rest of the day and it may not yet be lunchtime!

Using spoons to guide your day helps reduce guilt. You haven’t failed if you cancel plans or leave the dishes. You’ve just used up your capacity and that’s valid. We need to try and think how we can replenish our spoons, what gives us back our energy and brings us joy and talk through our strategies with our children. This helps children and young people learn about self-regulation too. When they see you respecting your own spoons, they learn to do the same.

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Embrace Flow

Flow is that immersive state where attention settles deeply and the rest of the world recedes. For many Autistic people, this isn’t just something we enjoy, it’s something we need.

The theory of monotropism (Murray et al., 2005) helps explain why Autistic people’s attention tends to be pulled into a small number of intense streams at anyone time. When we can follow our attention, without interruption, redirection, or constant switching, it supports emotional regulation and brings a sense of safety.

What might look like “doing the same thing ” is often deep engagement, a sign that their sensory system is finding stability, they are engaged, interested and creating meaning for themselves.

Supporting flow in your family might look like:

• Giving long stretches of uninterrupted time for each individuals special interests
• Allowing screen time or repetitive interest led play without rushing in to change it
• Recognising stimming and focused activity as valid, meaningful regulation
• Making space for parallel play or quiet togetherness, where connection happens without pressure for conversation or an end goal
• Joining in parallel play (alongside each other with own activities that bring you joy)
• Time to recharge sensory system – think how you may be able to adapt your home/ garden to meet sensory needs (dens/climbing space/swings and hammocks/ bouncing)

Flow doesn’t always mean stillness and being quiet, for some, it may come through movement, jumping, pacing, spinning, walking the same route over and over. The important part is that the activity feels internally driven and is gently absorbing and led by the person.

As parents and carers, we need our own restorative flow time too. Making time for our own monotropic needs and engaging in our own interests can help us recover from overwhelm and can give us back some more spoons and energy so we can carry on another day without burning ourselves out.

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Balancing Needs, Without Shame

In every household, needs can clash. One person might need silence while another needs to stim vocally. One might crave movement, while another needs stillness. Balancing these differences takes honesty, creativity, and compassion and often a lot of patience! .

Try using scripts like:

“I hear that you need to move and shout. I need quiet right now. Can we find a space where you can do that safely?”
“I’m running low on spoons. I want to help, but I need 10 minutes first.”

Framing needs as shared responsibilities, not as problems, helps avoid power struggles.

As Autistic parents and carers, we often place ourselves last. But we can’t pour from an empty cup. Your sensory needs, your rest, your flow, your joy matter just as much as anyone else’s. Making space for your own regulation and interests isn’t a luxury, it’s how we keep the whole system and family flowing. Tuning into our own needs helps us model self-compassion and show our children that everyone’s wellbeing matters. Energy doesn’t have to be drained to be shared — it can ripple gently between us when we’re resourced, rested, and held in ways that honour all of our needs.

Wishing you a gentle, joy-filled summer, full of flow and glimmers!

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Resources

FREE E-BOOK Inspired by Tigger Pritchard for The PDA Space

“Pack a sensory kit! ‘A day out or a holiday can still be a success even if you need to go home earlier than anticipated or plans suddenly change. A short happy moment is far more valuable than a long stressful experience. Having an open mind, a flexible approach and a plan b will help make things a bit easier in the moment and long term, you’ll have a few more energy beans!“
Helen Edgar

FREE Slide Deck

Kelsie Olds – ‘Sensory friendly travel tips – getting there with neurodivergent kids.’

General advice on travel and holidays from NAS – https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/holidays-and-days-out/holidays 

Sensory Impact of the School Holidays (a blog I wrote for The PDA Space)

Energy Beans and Summer Holidays (a blog I wrote for The PDA Space)