Monotropism and Autistic Play

All play is ok!

There is no right way to play!

All play is ok!

There is no right way to play!

To embrace Autistic play is to embrace the theory of monotropism. We need to enable the right environments and foster meaningful relationships so people can engage in flow and have cognitive, sensory and physical liberty. By honouring the natural monotropic minds of Autistic/ADHD/AuDHD people, we can gain a better understanding of why we need to provide more time and space in the day around events and more time for rest and rejuvenating play. Embracing authentic Autistic play and having a deeper understanding of the theory of monotropism (Murray et al 2005) opens up possibilities, ignites curiosity for further exploration, and supports well-being.

Peter Gray (2015) writes about the importance of self-directed play. Self-directed play honours the natural way monotropic minds work best; being intrinsically motivated benefits everyone, whether you are Autistic or not. Self-directed play could be even more valuable for monotropic people whose minds and bodies are interest-driven. Self-directed play enables flow, and flow states are hugely beneficial for monotropic people (Heasman et al 2024).

Problems with Neuronormative Expectations

Play should not feel like hard work, but for many neurodivergent children, play often involves masking and learning to fit in. Masking is exhausting. Children pick up signals very early on in their early years that there is often an expected way to play and do things. Expectations for the ‘right’ and socially acceptable way to play are generally rewarded and praised, and anything outside of these social norms is often met with disapproval, punishment or sanctions. Many Autistic children learn to suppress their natural ways of being so they can ‘fit in’; they begin to deny themselves their natural monotropic ways of being, over time this can seriously affect people’s well-being and lead to burnout.

The pressure to conform to neuronormative ideals is compounded by things like the UK’s current ‘School readiness‘ campaign (DFE 2025). There is pressure for parents/carers to try to ensure their children are ‘ready’ for school, and this includes being able to play ‘appropriately’ with the ‘right toys’ in the ‘right way’. The barriers neurodivergent families face when navigating the SEND system trying to meet the needs of their Autistic children are huge, and a better understanding of the double empathy problem (Milton, 2012) and the neuro-affirming theory of monotropism could help a lot.

Building up collections, creating patterns and organising objects and toys is a common and natural way of playing for many Autistic people. Autistic children have a unique way of learning, yet this is often framed around being ‘repetitive and restrictive’ and is something that needs ‘fixing’.

Play is play.

Autistic play is valid and meaningful.

Importance of Environment and Support

Everyone deserves the right to play, to stim, and to move in ways that work for them. There is no right way to play. Social skills programmes and social use of language programmes that try to ‘fix’ Autistic people into neurotypical ways of being, socialising, communicating and playing are harmful.

We can teach children new skills whilst also honouring their natural curiosity and ways of exploring and communicating at the same time.

Play is a natural way for everyone to learn, relax, and experience joy. Enabling time and safe spaces for people to engage in activities and explore items and activities that they are interested in and passionate about can lead to deeper and wider connections and enhance experiences. Meaningful, authentic Autistic play needs the right environment and a deeper understanding of Autistic experiences and monotropism. For monotropic people, it takes a lot of energy to switch between events and different tasks and engaging in large group activities can be exhausting due to filtering so many different streams of information at any one time. Thinking of the environment and how we interact and communicate with children is important for meaningful play. The environment isn’t just the physical space, the sensory space; it is also our relationship with children (Beardon, 2022)

Being mindful of energy resourcing and capacity, especially for monotropic people, is essential. Giving more space around busy timetables in school and events at home can be really helpful to allow a smoother flow through the day and greater regulation – so playtime is more meaningful. You can’t learn or play if you are dysregulated – adding pressure benefits no one!

Flow – Focus On Process Over Outcome

For many neurodivergent children, low-demand and open-ended play often works best. We need to focus on the flow and process of playing rather than putting our own expectations onto a child of what we think they should be doing and what we want the outcome to be. Play is meaningful in and of itself. Providing opportunities for young people to explore different objects and materials in their own way and find their own meanings enables richer, deeper play experiences and can lead to greater learning opportunities.

Many Autistic people often enjoy solitary play, this may be due to being able to engage in a deep flow state with the things that are most meaningful for them without the pressures of other expectations and conforming and masking to fit in.

When children are deep in play, and there is a sudden disruption and or demand, such as to stop playing as dinner is now ready, it can often lead to dysregulation. Being pulled out of an attention tunnel and flow when you are monotropic can actually feel painful. Being aware of this can help parents/ carers and teachers plan the day a bit better.

Working and collaborating together with children so you can discuss options and plan for transitions can be really helpful. Surprises or unexpected events can be really difficult to manage, especially if you are monotropic, so the more prepared we can help our children be, and the more time and flexibility we give ourselves around events can really help and make the day run a bit smoother.


Parallel play and body doubling are part of the Five Neurodivergent Love Locutions and are often overlooked but really useful strategies for Autistic people when playing and also for adults (in work or play). Parallel play takes the pressure off intense social and communication expectations. It gives space for people to be themselves yet feel safe with their trusted person or people nearby. Body doubling can also be helpful for older children and adults as it provides that safe feeling and some accountability if you need to get tasks done.

Playing and exploring the things that genuinely spark interest and joy supports the well-being of monotropic people. It enables children to explore their identity and find out about the world around them. Denying Autistic people opportunities to embrace their own monotropic ways of playing is to deny them an opportunity to be themselves and to be proud of who they are.

Embracing authentic Autistic play opens up possibilities, ignites curiosity and strengthens connections and relationships for further exploration – let’s embrace monotropic ways of playing!

Find Out More

Find out more about the harm of behaviourism and positive behaviour support strategies through the work I am doing with Stimpunks (ABA/ PBS, etc.). Explore alternative ways to behaviourism.

Discover more resources about Autistic Play and Monotropism

Discover more about neuro-affirming language.

Discover more about monotropism.

Could the Map of Monotropic Experiences help support play?

Discover more about why all this is important to prevent and reduce burnout.