“Once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in.” [And that may even be a good thing].
(Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami, 2002)
Haruki Murakami is one of my favourite Japanese authors. I have read his entire collection over the past thirty years.
I follow various fan pages; he recently reflected on one of the classes he is taking and described what his students are talking about:
“the body as a container”, the forests of the mind & metaphysical horror & the dissolution of the ego & dreamscapes”
I am fascinated by this. It aligns with the ‘the body keeps the score’ concept and is highly relevant to Autistic burnout.
After years of repeated burnouts and living in an ongoing survival state, I know that I will never recover. Returning to the same place and state I once was is impossible. Too much has changed. My burnouts are deep; they have changed my very core way of being and experiencing. There has been a whole seismic shift in how my sensory system responds to life and what it needs. As Dr Devon Price wrote, ‘You might not recover from burnout. Ever‘, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find new ways of living and navigating life.
It feels almost inevitable that I will continue to have cycles of burnout as the whole of society, and the way the world works is generally just not suited to being monotropic. Constantly dividing attention resources to get through your day is exhausting for monotropic people; it can lead to the concept Tanya Adkin developed and has written about with Emergent Divergence: The neurodivergent ramblings of David Gray-Hammond – ‘monotropic split’.
I do believe the more you know about your Autistic/ AuDHD identity and the more you understand the theory of monotropism, the more you can help with the healing process. You can begin to find ways to work with your flow and not against it – even if these are just little rock pools of rest and respite where you can unmask and be yourself in your safe place with safe people who understand you – as you continue to battle against the constant crashes and tides of neuronormativity that can feel so heavy and pull us down.
Knowing more about your monotropic processing style and recognising the glimmers that help rejuvenate your sensory system and bodymind can all help. Little changes to your day and lifestyle can all add up. Connecting with others and sharing experiences can be invaluable; it helps you feel less alone and can help you make sense of things. Being present and embodied at a DEEP level with neurokin can help to bridge the double empathy gap. Having a basecamp enables enables safety and provides more space to focus and communicate, create a collective flow and sense of belonging with others who ‘get it’.
We may not be able to fully recover from burnout (as in go back to how we were), but we can eventually move on with the right support and in the right environment. Seek out smoother spaces to work with our inner monotropic needs. If you are monotropic you need to find ways that work with you so you can embrace flow, try and find those tiny moments and safe places where you can rest and restore some of your energy so you can keep riding the waves.
Onwards.
Further relevant reading :
